In a sensational turn of events, Osama Bin Laden (FBI Codename: UBL), surrendered to the US troops after emerging out of his cave in remote Baluchistan (Pakistan/Afghanistan/whoknows). The dreaded fugitive, who is listed No.1 on the FBI's Most Wanted list, was shrouded in extreme paralytic fear and took wobbly steps forward. Col. Mark Warlhberg who was among the first few to speak with him reported, "We never knew about UBL's orkut exploits during the time he was in his cache. He had in fact been gathering voiciferous support from the Muslim community by this means."
But the recent declaration by Shiv Sena's Abhijit Panse that his party members would not hesitate to thrash anyone who created anti-India/anti-Shivaji communities in orkut, even if they were in America, dashed Laden's hopes, as he was moderator of the 'I hate India' community (which garnered 35657 members).
Bloggers in India could not celebrate this event, as blogspot.com was blocked by the Department of Telecommunications, India.
(Author note: The Shiv Sena threat is for real!! Here's a call to the Shiv Sena to act upon UBL's anti-India stance!! :P)
Monday, June 11, 2007
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Gandhigiri leads to North Korean nuclear test
On October 9, 2006, Dr Manmohan Singh's (Prime Minister of India) ideals were literally shattered as the Democratic People's Republic of Korea(DPRK) successfully conducted its first nuclear weapons test at some obscure location that no one will ever bother to visit.
Six days prior to the incident, North Korea announced its intention to conduct the same. This intially lead to an unanimous decision by the United Nations Security Council(UNSC) members to form a combined army to crush the renegade regime state. However, Dr Manmohan Singh was not the same macho guy that most terrorists are fearful of. Riding on a wave of Gandhigiri(preachings of Mahatma Gandhi) inspired by the Bollywood box office superhit Lage Raho Munnabhai, he decided to shun Dadagiri(violent means) and apply the principles that he had observed in the movie. The next morning, the UNSC representatives were greeted at their doors with a dozen long-stemmed red roses bunched with a 'Get Well Soon!' card and an invitation to a screening of the aforementioned movie.
As it turned out, Dr Manmohan Singh managed to win over the representatives and they concurred that the only way to placate the North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-il, would be to employ a similar ambush of roses and cards.
However the plan turned sour as the roses ended up as part of the nuclear containment vessel several hundred metres underground. The state's central news agency issued the following statement, "For the last two years, our nation had been prepared to detonate the nuclear weapons, save for just one critical component. As there are no fertile areas or water sources throughout the country, we could not grow red roses which were to be used as a radioactive shielding material. Without them, we would have risked exposing our beloved citizens to the toxic effects of radioactive waste. The numerous trade sanctions imposed on us also prevented an import of the roses ". The agency further detailed that Kim Jong-il had devised a clever strategem, clearly aware of the impact that Lage Raho ... had on the masses. So once they were 'supplied' with the red roses, it was hardly a matter of a few hours for the test to materialise.
Dr Manmohan Singh had this to say, "The events of last week have proved one thing for sure. Dadagiri is the one way to solve problems in this modern world. More power to Kim Jong-il and his ilk".
Six days prior to the incident, North Korea announced its intention to conduct the same. This intially lead to an unanimous decision by the United Nations Security Council(UNSC) members to form a combined army to crush the renegade regime state. However, Dr Manmohan Singh was not the same macho guy that most terrorists are fearful of. Riding on a wave of Gandhigiri(preachings of Mahatma Gandhi) inspired by the Bollywood box office superhit Lage Raho Munnabhai, he decided to shun Dadagiri(violent means) and apply the principles that he had observed in the movie. The next morning, the UNSC representatives were greeted at their doors with a dozen long-stemmed red roses bunched with a 'Get Well Soon!' card and an invitation to a screening of the aforementioned movie.
As it turned out, Dr Manmohan Singh managed to win over the representatives and they concurred that the only way to placate the North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-il, would be to employ a similar ambush of roses and cards.
However the plan turned sour as the roses ended up as part of the nuclear containment vessel several hundred metres underground. The state's central news agency issued the following statement, "For the last two years, our nation had been prepared to detonate the nuclear weapons, save for just one critical component. As there are no fertile areas or water sources throughout the country, we could not grow red roses which were to be used as a radioactive shielding material. Without them, we would have risked exposing our beloved citizens to the toxic effects of radioactive waste. The numerous trade sanctions imposed on us also prevented an import of the roses ". The agency further detailed that Kim Jong-il had devised a clever strategem, clearly aware of the impact that Lage Raho ... had on the masses. So once they were 'supplied' with the red roses, it was hardly a matter of a few hours for the test to materialise.
Dr Manmohan Singh had this to say, "The events of last week have proved one thing for sure. Dadagiri is the one way to solve problems in this modern world. More power to Kim Jong-il and his ilk".
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Protest over hostel mess food raises storm
At the hallowed portals of the Indian Institute of Technology, Bombay, one is capable of quite a lot of things, and I don't mean this in just a geeky kind of way. One student's grievance over the quality of food provided by his hostel mess led to a revolution there.
According to the leader, Pradeep Kanade, something was different about the mess food since the beginning of the semester. The dal(lentils) contained a proportionate amount of water and pulses. The rotis were perfectly baked, and were embellished with dollops of ghee. No excess oil was to be found in any of the curries, and the spices were just right. "This was the last straw. There wasn't even a single insect to be found in any grain of rice. This was completely unacceptable to me." Several hours were spent in diligently scouring the mess kitchens, but this was in vain as there was no trace of any cockroach or rat anywhere.
"It would be a cold day in hell before I would ever consider relishing food like gulab jamun and mutter paneer. I missed the good old days when we would find at least five worms in every plate."
Pradeep was not going to take this injustice lying down. His impassioned mails to his hostel mates caught their imagination. An agitation was raised in the hostel lounge, with the entire student council willing to resign for the sake of the cause. Another student Ajay Singh reflected on the eventful three days with indignation, "What did we do to deserve milk that doesn't taste like puke? And unburnt scrambled eggs? Eww!". The hostel lounge was vandalized, along with the smashing of the TV and equipment of the gymnasium. Their efforts didn't go in vain, as the warden of the hostel finally acceded to their demands.
The warden, a professor of the Humanities department explained that the developments were part of an experiment that had been on the sly for the last three years. "The students had been heavily conditioned to portions of stale and uncooked vegetables in the mess. I never thought it was possible for one to completely lose taste in nutritious, clean and healthy food. But the results are absolutely startling, and the implications of this are far-reaching."
Pradeep signs off with this message,"What we achieved was merely a drop in the ocean. We hope to inspire the students in other hostels too to replicate this success."
According to the leader, Pradeep Kanade, something was different about the mess food since the beginning of the semester. The dal(lentils) contained a proportionate amount of water and pulses. The rotis were perfectly baked, and were embellished with dollops of ghee. No excess oil was to be found in any of the curries, and the spices were just right. "This was the last straw. There wasn't even a single insect to be found in any grain of rice. This was completely unacceptable to me." Several hours were spent in diligently scouring the mess kitchens, but this was in vain as there was no trace of any cockroach or rat anywhere.
"It would be a cold day in hell before I would ever consider relishing food like gulab jamun and mutter paneer. I missed the good old days when we would find at least five worms in every plate."
Pradeep was not going to take this injustice lying down. His impassioned mails to his hostel mates caught their imagination. An agitation was raised in the hostel lounge, with the entire student council willing to resign for the sake of the cause. Another student Ajay Singh reflected on the eventful three days with indignation, "What did we do to deserve milk that doesn't taste like puke? And unburnt scrambled eggs? Eww!". The hostel lounge was vandalized, along with the smashing of the TV and equipment of the gymnasium. Their efforts didn't go in vain, as the warden of the hostel finally acceded to their demands.
The warden, a professor of the Humanities department explained that the developments were part of an experiment that had been on the sly for the last three years. "The students had been heavily conditioned to portions of stale and uncooked vegetables in the mess. I never thought it was possible for one to completely lose taste in nutritious, clean and healthy food. But the results are absolutely startling, and the implications of this are far-reaching."
Pradeep signs off with this message,"What we achieved was merely a drop in the ocean. We hope to inspire the students in other hostels too to replicate this success."
No more tears, only satire
For the last three years, I've been occasionally browsing stuff at The Onion. For the uninitiated, this site contains some of the most hilarious and satirical works written in this decade.
I haven't really seen much stuff like that elsewhere on the net. The closest would be Some-achaar on Gaurav Sabnis' blog, which is really funny.
So here is my attempt at trying to be funny :P ... I don't necessarily intend to have an Indian focus on the theme, and will probably just write anything that comes to my mind. I'm not sure I would be able to poke fun at all religions/cults/sects/cultures in the vein of South Park(which totally rules!), because you've got to admit that it's really hard!
And this draft will be edited everytime I have a clearer focus on the nature and theme of writing.
So Cheerio!
I haven't really seen much stuff like that elsewhere on the net. The closest would be Some-achaar on Gaurav Sabnis' blog, which is really funny.
So here is my attempt at trying to be funny :P ... I don't necessarily intend to have an Indian focus on the theme, and will probably just write anything that comes to my mind. I'm not sure I would be able to poke fun at all religions/cults/sects/cultures in the vein of South Park(which totally rules!), because you've got to admit that it's really hard!
And this draft will be edited everytime I have a clearer focus on the nature and theme of writing.
So Cheerio!
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